Computer Jokes

The owner of a small computer store was getting tired of fixing the exact same problem over and over on computers for people...one day 3 customers came in at the same time. He looked at them all and said. Everyone one of your computers gave me this error message "Error you have a syntax IDtenT error.and asked them to right it down. All of them got out their pens and wrote IDtenT error, he smiled then told them. No that's not how you write it is the number "10". So they all wrote it again...ID10T error




If Restaurants Functioned Like ...
Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support.
Waiter. What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup. Try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl. What kind of bowl are you using? Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem. How was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer. What has that to do with the fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day? Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??
Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day changes every hour.
Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup and the check. I'm running late now.
[waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check] Waiter: Here you are, Sir, the soup and your check.
Patron: This is potato soup.
Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.
Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
[waiter leaves.]
Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!
The check:
Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5.00
Fly Feature. . . . . . . . . . . . . . no charge
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . . .$2.50
Access to support . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $1.00




Q. Why did the spider cross the computer keyboard?
A. To get on the World Wide Web.






Q: What is a programmer?
A: Someone who solves a problem you didn*t know you had in a way
You do not understand.




In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release (by Mr. Welch himself) stating:
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason at all, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally, executing a manover such as a left-turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, and you would have to reinstall the engine.
4. When your car died on the freeway for no reason, you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought 'Car95' or 'CarNT', and then added more seats.
6. Apple would make a car powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would run on only five per cent of the roads.
7. Oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single 'general car default' warning light.
8. New seats would force every-one to have the same size butt.
9. The airbag would say 'Are you sure?' before going off.
10. Occasionally, for no reason, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed the radio antenna.
11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of road maps from Rand-McNally (a subsidiary of GM), even though they neither need them nor want them. Trying to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50 per cent or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.
12. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
13. You would press the 'start' button to shut off the engine.




If Operating Systems were beer..
DOS Beer:
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.
Mac Beer:
At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can.
Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan.
Windows 95 Beer:
You can't buy it yet, but a lot of people have taste-tested it and claim it's wonderful. The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.






Did you hear that Netscape is moving to Tel-Aviv, Israel?
They're going to rename themself "Netan-Yahoo"




You Know you are Addicted to the Internet When...
. You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved, and you don't have a clue when it happened.
. Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
. All of your friends have an @ in their names.
. Your dog has its own home page.
. You can't call your mother... she doesn't have a modem.
. You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
. You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse. . You get a new suit that says, "This best viewed with Netscape 4.01 or higher."
. The last girl you asked out was only a jpeg.
. Your wife says communication is important in a marriage... so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.




Q: Why was the computer so cold?
A: Because it forgot to shut its window






More jokes of Computer Jokes Home Page