Little Johnny Jokes

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself
beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'




Little Johnny wasn't very good at spelling. During an oral
spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the
blackboard. "Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we
have if we placed a "K" in the front?"
After a moment's reflection, Johnny said, "Canoe?"




One day the school principal was talking to Little Johnny's teacher about his behavior, when all of a sudden Johnny comes running down the hallway. The principal stops Johnny and asks him, why are you running? Little Johnny says; I*m keeping two kids from fighting, sir. Who? ask the principal. Me and the kid chasing me; and off he went.






" Dad who built the Suez Canal"
" I don't know son"
" Dad who discovered penicillin "
" I've no idea son"
" Dad what's the capital of Italy "
" I ain't got a clue son"
"Dad you don't mind me asking all these questions do you"
"No son, if you don't ask you won't learn anything "




The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week.
Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, "My daddy fell in well last week."
"Good Lord!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?"
"He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."



Little Johnny was at football practice one day and the coach said "Who here thinks they can jump higher than the goal posts"
Immediately little Johnny said, "Ooh me sir me"
The coach then said, "But Johnny you are the worst in the team!"
Then Johnny said, "I know, but goalposts can*t jump!"






Little Johnny's class were on an outing to their local police station where they saw pictures, of the ten most wanted men, tacked to a bulletin board. On the way out of the police station Little Johnny said to the officer, "it was so nice of you to put my daddy's picture up there."



Little Johnny came downstairs bellowing lustily. His mother asked, *What*s the matter now?* *Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with a hammer,* said Johnny through his tears. *That*s not so serious,* soothed his mother. *I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn*t cry at something like that. Why didn*t you laugh?* *I did!* sobbed Johnny.



Little Johnny is in art class. The art teacher asks, *what are you drawing?" Johnny answers, *a cow eating grass," "where's the grass?" "The cow ate it!" "Oh... what about the cow?" "She ran away!"






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