Men Vs. Women

Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper??
A: Don't know. It*s never been done!!!!




Joe was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sick father died, he decided he needed a wife with whom to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment seminar he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her beauty took his breath away. *I may look like just an ordinary man,* he said to her, *but in just a few years, my father will pass, and I*ll inherit his large fortune.*
Impress, the woman took his business card and three months later, she became Joe*s stepmother.
Women are so much better at estate planning than men!!




A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."
"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."
A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether
"computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation. The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora") because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
(THIS GETS BETTER!)
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("el computador") because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time, they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.






Anytime you see a young man open a car door for his girlfriend, either the car is new or the girlfriend is.




Three men wanted to cross a river. They had no idea how to cross it, so one man knelt down on his knees and prayed "Lord give me the power and strength the cross the river." suddenly the man became very strong and swam across the river. The next man thought: if it worked for him, it'll work for me. So he knelt down and prayed "Lord give the skills and the strength to cross the river." the man built a canoe and rowed himself across the river. The last man thought: if it worked for both of them, I know it'll work for me. So he also knelt down and prayed "Lord give me the wisdom and knowledge to cross the river." He turned into a woman and walked across the bridge.




A husband and wife entered the dentist's room. He said, "I want a tooth pulled. We are in a hurry - so no Novocain or gas. Just pull the tooth out."
" You are a brave man,* said the dentist. "Now show me the tooth" "Open your mouth,* said the man to his wife and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."






Heather: I noticed by this article that men become bald much more than women because of the intense activity of their brains.
John: Yes, and I notice that women do not grow beards because of the intense activity of their chins!




A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument



A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman.
She takes one look at him. *You, sir, are drunk!"
"And you ma'am, are ugly. But when I wake up, I will be sober!"






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