Puns

A man was walking down the road with a bag of liverwurst under his arm. He came upon a young, very thin boy with a tern under his arm. The man asked "What are you doing with that bird under your arm?* The boy answered" I am very hungry and I want to eat this bird.* The man wanted to save the tern and at the same time ease the boy's hunger, so he traded the bag of liverwurst for the bird. In other words, he took a "TERN FOR THE WURST".



Two vultures decided to fly to Florida on an airline. They got on board carrying six dead raccoons, and the flight attendant said, *I*m sorry, but there*s a limit of two carrion per passenger.*




When they asked the two monocles why they never got together, they said they'd like to, but didn't want to make spectacles of themselves.





There was this old eccentric man who constantly chased children off his property, never said hello to anyone he met and because of his negative character, was described as "A man of means!*




Stupid.....But funny...
Subject: Funnies
Things to make you stop and think
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in thedriveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.




A monastery decided to start a fish and chips store. When the store opened, a client comes in, and asks one of the clerics: are you the fish fryer? Oh, no, the cleric answers, I'm the chip monk!






There is a robbery at the cereal factory. The robber doesn't want any witnesses and there is only one man in the building so he decides to shoot him. The robber puts the gun up to the man's head and says, "Any last requests?" and the manager says, "Life."




One who runs in front of the car gets tired. One who runs behind gets exhausted.




You need two American coins to add up to .30 cents. One of them is not a nickel.
Q: What are the coins?
A: One of them is not a nickel, the other one is, a nickel and a quarter.





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