Farmer Jokes

A tornado hit a farmhouse just before dawn. It lifted the roof off, picked up the beds on which the farmer and his wife slept, and set them down gently in the next county. The wife began to cry.
*Don*t be scared, Susan,* her husband said. *We are not hurt.*
Susan continued to cry. *I*m not scared,* she said between sobs. *I*m happy *cause this is the first time in 15 years we*ve been out together.

Q. Who takes care of the farm when the farmer is sick?
A. The pharmacist

Did you hear about the farmer who wanted to buy a thousand hens, but didn't have the put them on a layaway plan!

Q: Why did the farmer receive an award?
A: Because he was outstanding in his field (out standing in his field)

Sandy McTavish had an old friend, Jock Murdock, who was quite ill. Sandy came to visit and Jock said, "Sandy, I've only a short time to live, I'm on my death bed lad." Sandy knew that and in a non-committal way he said, "Aye, that a' know old friend." Jock turned to Sandy and said, "Sandy, de ye nay ken that old bottle of Scotch that I hae been saving ah these years." Sandy, an aficionado, was immediately attentive and said, "Aye Jock, that I do." Jock said, "ye are guid friend and when I've passed I would have yee pour that Scotch on ma grave." Sandy was profoundly moved for his own reasons. After considering Jocks request for an agonizing period he brightened, turned to Jock. "Aye- aye Jock I'll de that for an old friend, but ye wouldna mind if I put it through my kidneys first."

Q:Why did the farmer feed his cow money?
A:Because he wanted rich milk

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.
Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond. Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

John was driving his pickup down a country lane when suddenly a chicken darts out into the road in front of him. He's just about to slam on his brakes to avoid the chicken when he realizes that the chicken has sped on ahead doing about 30 miles per hour.
Amazed, he sped up to follow, but the chicken takes off faster and faster. Finally the chicken screeches into a turn and goes into a small farm. As he turns to follow, John notices that the chicken has three legs. He pulls to a stop in front of the farmhouse, and looking around, notices that ALL the chickens have three legs.
He says to the farmer, "Three-legged chickens? That's astounding!" The farmer replies, "Yep, I bred 'em that way -- I love drumsticks." John: "Well, tell me, how does a three-legged chicken taste?"
Farmer: "Dunno, haven't been able to catch one yet."

A man traveling through the country stopped at a small roadside fruit stand and bought some apples. When he mentioned they were awfully small, the farmer replied, *Yup*
The man took a bite of one of the apples and exclaimed, *Not very flavorful, either.*
*That*s right,* said the farmer. *Lucky they*re small, ain*t it?*

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