Teachers Jokes

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready." "Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the

The professor had just related to his history class the event where an ancient runner had covered the 29 miles from the plains of Marathon to Troy to finally cry "Victory - Victory" and then fall dead from the run. Asking for comments, the class sat quietly until one student, a
cross-country team member from the back of the room quietly asked - "did anybody get his time?"

Teacher: What are the four main food groups?
Students: Canned, frozen, instant, and lite.

A rather strict English teacher also had the responsibility of teaching *homemaking,* as home economics used to be called. The teacher noticed a student carefully applying lipstick and powder, rather than doing her home ec lesson.
*Jenny,* said the teacher, *you pay more attention to your makeup than you do to your homemaking lessons.*
*Well, said Jenny, *before I can home make, I have to catch someone with whom.*

Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire. Much to their relief she smiled and said: "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper." Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said:
"First Question: Which tire was flat?"

"Simon, if I had eight apples in my right hand and ten apples in my left hand, what would I have?*
*Huge hands, sir.*

The law professor was lecturing on courtroom procedure. *When you are fighting a case and have the facts on your side, hammer away at the facts. If you have the law on your side, hammer away with the law.* *But what if you have neither the facts nor the law on your side?* *In that case,* said the professor, *hammer away on the table.*

Mrs. Smith, I ain*t got no crayons.
Young man, you mean, I don*t have any crayons.
You don*t have any crayons. We don*t have any crayons.
They don*t have any crayons.
Do you see what I*m getting at?
I think so. What happened to all the crayons?

History Teacher: "Why was George Washington standing in the bow of the boat as the army crossed the Delaware?"
Student: "Because he knew if he sat down, he would have to row."

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