"; Los mejores chistes de ESA



October 19th, 2001


It has been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our establishments that offensive language is commonly used by our Spanish staff. Such behavior, in addition to violating ESA' policy, is highly unprofessional and offensive to visitors. The staff will immediately adhere to the following rules:

1. Words like "coño" and "carajo", and expressions such as "¡qué cojones!" and "la madre que lo parió" will not be used for emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion.

2. You will not say "la cagó" when someone makes a mistake, or "la está cagando" if you see somebody being reprimanded, or "¡qué cagada!" when a major mistake has been made. All forms and derivatives of the verb "cagar" are inappropiate in our environment. The same rule applies to "comerse un marrón" and its derivatives.

3. No project manager, section head, or administrator, under any circumstances, will be referred to as "el hijo de la gran puta", "el muy cabrón", "el come mierda", or "el mariconazo de turno".

4. Lack of determination will not be referred as "falta de huevos" or "mariconería" nor will persons who lack initiative be referred to as "capullo" or "acojonado".

5. Unusual or creative ideas will not be referred to as "pajas mentales" or "gilipolleces del listillo de siempre".

6. Employees who show a good disposition towards the requests of their superiors should not be referred to as "lameculos", "narices marrones", or any similar expressions.

7. Do not say "¡cómo jode!" if a person is persistent or "está jodido" if a colleague is going through a difficult situation. Furthermore, you must not say "¡qué jodienda!" when matters become complicated.

8. When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say "vete al carajo" nor should you ever substitute "may I help you?" with "¿qué coño quieres?". When things get though, an acceptable expression such as "we are going through a difficult time" should be used, rather than "esto está jodido". Additionally, if you make a mistake, just say so and do not say "la cagué". Regarding this last expression, see also rule 2 above.

9. No salary increase shall ever be referred to as "subida de mierda".

10. Under no circumstances should you call our elderly industrial partners "los viejos gilipollas".

11. Last but not least, do not print this note and say "me voy a limpiar el culo con ella". Keep all printed versions clean and dispose of them properly.

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